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January 09, 2007




Seriously,when are you going to publish these wonderful, insightful essays in book form. I promise to buy multiple copies.


Agonizing quandry, Ethan. From my limited perspective, the emotional investigation of the 'priors' (sounds so criminal, even though it is mainly just human) will always be just below the surface of your relationship.

Be on alert for paralysis by analysis during future ambigous dinners, but in the soft glow memory fueled by wine and candlelight, anything is possible.

eric m.

hey you-- be careful with yourself, you hear? I just went through this and got my heart broken so badly, I was counting the hours until 2007 so I could start with a fresh year. word to the wise! yours from L.A., Eric


You write well, I always enjoy reading. I'm in the midst of a similarly f!@ked up situation, and it's always good knowing I'm not the only one.


A few days ago I was talking to a friend of mine who was going through a very simlar situation. The only thing I told her was that it doesn't matter what you say to him, what you say to other people, or even what you tell yourself. Deep down, you know what you want to do...after all, human beings are great at lying to ourselves. take care, man.


Is this really wise posting this here? As I recall, your guy's well aware of this blog and who you are. You might as well have said it out loud.


I think that may be his intention after all. Sometimes you just feel so helpless and conflicted, you don't really know what to choose between what you want, and what you feel is right.


"A cozy little East Village pizzeria. Exposed brick, brown leather booths, soft lighting. A dive of a place."

Yeah, sounds like a real shit hole!


You love the drama.


You enjoy his company, and he enjoys your company. Why does there have to be any more to it than that?

I think most people would be ten times happier if they learned to see a good thing as a good thing rather than as something that's less than the best possible thing.


Next time you might say it. But underneath that is the question of whether you are doing anything 'wrong'. I don't think you are. He's making the choices about his life and his relationships. It's complex because you have a shared history with Seth. Would you feel the same it his partner wasn't your ex? Would you tie yourself in the same self-analytical knots? It's the guy failing to be honest and monogamous, not you...


so much drama in the lbc...


sounds like a pretty good oportunity to have the 3-some that all men dream of:
one where all three parties are attracted to each other and no one feels left out

no ?


“I’m sorry. I’m not trying to be a jerk. I’m just trying to understand. This is a dangerous road we’re on. Thought it might be wise to stop, take a deep breath, talk.”

Always the same thing. No one tries to understand things in an attitude like this. This words are said after you realize what's going on. Not in a try to realize it. So you should think on the words. He's trying to hide "what's going on" and you're too. If you want it to stop, or to change into something-something further than friendship maybe- you should be able to say it. Not to say something "about" it.
This is my humble opinion, I've experienced enough of this "I'm trying to understand why" thing. I'm sick of saying these words, hearing these words..


I love this post. Great stuff. Thank you for sharing such personal stuff.


hm, absorbing as usual (in a very depressing way). I wonder though, why do you get yourself into these situations? If there's any truth in these snippets, if you're really as distressed as you say or imply - why not avoid this guy entirely? It seems like the most reasonable thing to do. I suppose there's the matter of history. I agree with Deniz on a broad level, that being repeated situations like this make for A) fun stories(which eventually become repetitive) and B) therapy.

G Cracker

Oh, how I have missed reading your writing Ethan!
I've had moments like that. You just imagine the words, you could even say them. They're certainly there. But you just can't quite get them out of your mouth.
Maybe next time.
And you capture that so well! I know you get this a lot, but seriously you should consider publishing at least some of these stories. They're amazing.


Ethan, this was amazing. You could've been me. Or I guess I could've been you. Either way, this story hit very close. Made me both happy and sad. Good writing does that I guess.


Why say a word? You enjoy being with him. That's priceless. Keep it.

Carl M.

I came across your site oddly enough looking for pictures of the host from "While You Were Out" cause I have a crush on him. I started reading your blogs and was deeply moved by your stories. I am glad you live in my city as well, makes us all feel less singular. At a place where there are so many people, sometimes we end up feeling we're the only ones with those problems, and here you are writing something I have been experiencing, as well as so many others. Thanks. Be well.


Shades of Gray is one of the best blogs in the would but then you already know that!

Wonderful photos and more wonderful storys.

thanks for a first class blog


Tim in SF

If you simply gave up the illusion that monogamy is the ideal (or even all that possible) for us gay guys in this day and age, I think you would be a hell of a lot happier.

Go talk to a gay couple who've been together for ten years or more. Ask them about monogamy.


Why so cynical DonPato? Monogamy is not and need not be an illusion for “us gay guys”.
I’ve been living happily and monogamously with my guy for nearly 15 years and, if anything, our relationship has grown stronger and more fulfilling with the passing years even though we have both evolved and developed from the persons and characters we were when we first met. Even sex is still superb – OK, not as tempestuous and frequent as during our early trysts but very intense and unifying.
The five years of fooling around before we met was just a succession of anonymous cocks and self-gratification and I wouldn’t risk what I enjoy now for that.

Adnan Ahmed MD

In light of the most recent event in your life (on record), I'll the comments I wanted to write about this. I hope you are doing Ok.



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