Boarding Flight 366

Going home. Long flight. Be nice to see the folks, my friends, my two adorable nephews.

I love my parents but they drive me crazy. I see them once a year, and usually halfway from the airport I’m ready to turn around. Still, looking forward to seeing them. Incredible, flawed people.

I was mad at them for many years. A quiet anger about small-big things that went away the moment I grew up and found out they were human. Now, whenever they make me upset, whenever I get mad, I think of the night I came out and it all goes away.

It's a story that makes people cry. A great tear-jerker.

I came home one summer, right after grad school. I had done it, a masters from a prestigious university, a good job. It was time. I sat there during a particularly hot day, trying to tell them what I had been wanting to say for so many years.

It was the perfect moment, my father, my mother and my sister all in the living room sharing a nice family afternoon.

Saying the words "I’m gay" was never the problem. It was the six words that were to come before:“I have something to tell you.” Not sure why, but for some reason, that was my biggest fear.

I guess I'm not a big fan of drama. Those words (I have something to tell you), always seemed to carry an unnecessarily heavy load. I entertained skipping that part altogether but, "Hey mom, pass on the salt and by the way, I’m gay,” just didn’t have the right ring.

I sat there waiting for the right moment. But my parents were in a particularly chatty mood. Was looking for a natural break, a smooth transition. But three hours later, I’d made no progress. They kept talking... and talking, and talking.

Finally a pause, my chance to make a transition. But my sister, she’s 18, gets up, checks herself in the mirror, sits down.

“So, guys…”

My sister gets up goes to the bathroom, comes back, takes her seat again.

I clear my throat, here goes... "So..."

Again, my sister springs out of her chair, walks up to the kitchen, checks the refrigerator to see if there’s anything she fancies.

"So as I was saying..."

My sister makes a move as if to get up again. I lose my patience.

“Can you just sit down for a second?!”

Calm down Gray, not a good way to break the news.

“Why?” My sister asks, one eyebrow raised ever so slightly.

“Because you’re making him nervous, stop being so fidgety,” my mother says.

“No, no. Why?” my sister insists. She knows.

Here goes…“Because I have something to tell you.”

There. I finally said it.

I look at my sister, a smile on her face.

“You have no idea how long we’ve been waiting for you to say those words.”

And that was it. I never had to say it. With those few words, my sister had reached out and pulled me out of my sea of anxiety. A lifeguard rescuing a drowning victim. It was over.

My mother looked at me, her eyes welling up. She held my hand.

“I’m so proud of you," She said. "I know how hard this must be. I’m glad you found the courage. My only regret is that you haven’t told us sooner. I feel like I’ve missed so much of your life.“

I never doubted she would be open and loving. Never worried about her.

I looked at my dad, a man’s man who built his home with his own two hands, whose idea of heaven is watching the news in his Lazyboy drinking Heineken. He was quiet for a second. Then this:

“One son’s born with blue eyes, one son’s born with brown eyes, one son’s born gay. We love them all just as much. It makes no difference to us.”

My dad. Poetry. Can you think of anything more comforting to tell your gay son?

Your being gay matters as much as the color of your eyes.

Comments

[Mikey]

My coming out situation was VERY similar to yours. Scared... waited way too long... and although my mother hadn't a clue, she still let me know her love was unconditional.

Have a safe flight and send your parents my love.... and tell your oldest sibling that I'm still waiting for a reply!

[Stefan]

My situation was the same as yours in that my mom was happy and just wished that I had come out sooner. I'm glad I did it when I was young (19) so that I could enjoy more of my life out in the open.

[Chad Hunt]

That story still touches me in the same way when you first told it to me. Deeply. What a wonderful and noble thing for your father and family to say and do for you. You're one of the lucky ones, and I hope you never forget how important it is to have a loving family.

[Roy]

WOW! What an awesomely understanding and loving family you have. Your father's words were sooo simple, yet soo powerful for someone in your position of such "weakness". Nothing like my coming out story, but I love to hear others who had good experiences....Hope you have a great trip home!

[Toby]

Thanks for making me cry at work!

[clark]

dearest ethan, i was glad to read about your "coming-out" and that it was much better than you had anticipated, and also that you are still very close with your family... im sure that being the "gay" son of the family, everyone loves, misses and looks forward to seeing you the MOST!!
i also wanted to mention (in a nutshell) that with my coming-out, i was encouraged by my mom and sister to take an HIV anti-body test to make sure that i was okay...and for more than 14yrs now, i have found myself looking back at how telling my family that i was gay had also brought an even bigger change in my own life as well...but the upside of it all, i guess, is that i came to love and appreciate my family even more from all of their support since learning that their son was gay, and also that i might face a lot of challenges with living a compltete and healthy life as well...so here i am, single in nyc, addicted to and finding comfort from reading your blog, and others as well...
have a safe and fun trip !!
(guess ill have to go back and re-read all your entries during your hiatus...)

[HRH ♣ PRINCESS KIM]

I wish my parents had taken the news that way. My mother cried and my father locked me in my room for days. Between wanting to send me to a head man, [no pun intended] and my father making me do every thing from fixing my own car to learning how to shoot. My parents hardly said anything to me for years. Soon after I told them I was gay, I became vegetarian. Don't know what was worse, telling them I was gay or that I'm vegetarian. Your very lucky to have a family like that ! HRH P.K.

[murraynz]

Good Christ your family make me gush. I´m having trouble keeping your life in order because I´m reading entries at random.

Grand time though.

[Mike]

My parents are still proud of their three children...one of each!

[Herman]

Soooo beautiful!
Why do you make me cry?!
Being as sensitive as you are (judging by your writing), please take good care of yourself, and don't get hurt too often.
From the bottom of my heart I sincerely wish you a happy life, with much love, loving friends and wonderful music that uplifts you when down.
From ex-NYer now Down Under
Herman

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[Eleonararoke]

About 2,000 of the former president's supporters reportedly held a counter-rally at Antananarivo's Democracy Square.
The BBC's Christina Corbett in Antananarivo says widespread condemnation of Mr Rajoelina's military-backed rise to power has not deterred him from throwing a lavish inauguration ceremony.
Aides close to Mr Rajoelina say they are not concerned by the string of international denouncements that has followed the former president's removal.
Madagascar's highest Wait for me court this week approved the handover of power. On Friday, the US cut off non-humanitarian aid to Madagascar and the African Union suspended its membership.
Tens of thousands of his supporters attended the ceremony at a sports arena in the capital, Antananarivo, but it was boycotted by many diplomats.

[Eleonararoke]

About 2,000 of the former president's supporters reportedly held a counter-rally at Antananarivo's Democracy Square.
The BBC's Christina Corbett in Antananarivo says widespread condemnation of Mr Rajoelina's military-backed rise to power has not deterred him from throwing a lavish inauguration ceremony.
Aides close to Mr Rajoelina say they are not concerned by the string of international denouncements that has followed the former president's removal.
Madagascar's highest Wait for me court this week approved the handover of power. On Friday, the US cut off non-humanitarian aid to Madagascar and the African Union suspended its membership.
Tens of thousands of his supporters attended the ceremony at a sports arena in the capital, Antananarivo, but it was boycotted by many diplomats.

[Eleonararoke]

About 2,000 of the former president's supporters reportedly held a counter-rally at Antananarivo's Democracy Square.
The BBC's Christina Corbett in Antananarivo says widespread condemnation of Mr Rajoelina's military-backed rise to power has not deterred him from throwing a lavish inauguration ceremony.
Aides close to Mr Rajoelina say they are not concerned by the string of international denouncements that has followed the former president's removal.
Madagascar's highest Wait for me court this week approved the handover of power. On Friday, the US cut off non-humanitarian aid to Madagascar and the African Union suspended its membership.
Tens of thousands of his supporters attended the ceremony at a sports arena in the capital, Antananarivo, but it was boycotted by many diplomats.

[Eleonararoke]

About 2,000 of the former president's supporters reportedly held a counter-rally at Antananarivo's Democracy Square.
The BBC's Christina Corbett in Antananarivo says widespread condemnation of Mr Rajoelina's military-backed rise to power has not deterred him from throwing a lavish inauguration ceremony.
Aides close to Mr Rajoelina say they are not concerned by the string of international denouncements that has followed the former president's removal.
Madagascar's highest Wait for me court this week approved the handover of power. On Friday, the US cut off non-humanitarian aid to Madagascar and the African Union suspended its membership.
Tens of thousands of his supporters attended the ceremony at a sports arena in the capital, Antananarivo, but it was boycotted by many diplomats.

[Eleonararoke]

About 2,000 of the former president's supporters reportedly held a counter-rally at Antananarivo's Democracy Square.
The BBC's Christina Corbett in Antananarivo says widespread condemnation of Mr Rajoelina's military-backed rise to power has not deterred him from throwing a lavish inauguration ceremony.
Aides close to Mr Rajoelina say they are not concerned by the string of international denouncements that has followed the former president's removal.
Madagascar's highest Wait for me court this week approved the handover of power. On Friday, the US cut off non-humanitarian aid to Madagascar and the African Union suspended its membership.
Tens of thousands of his supporters attended the ceremony at a sports arena in the capital, Antananarivo, but it was boycotted by many diplomats.

[Eleonararoke]

About 2,000 of the former president's supporters reportedly held a counter-rally at Antananarivo's Democracy Square.
The BBC's Christina Corbett in Antananarivo says widespread condemnation of Mr Rajoelina's military-backed rise to power has not deterred him from throwing a lavish inauguration ceremony.
Aides close to Mr Rajoelina say they are not concerned by the string of international denouncements that has followed the former president's removal.
Madagascar's highest Wait for me court this week approved the handover of power. On Friday, the US cut off non-humanitarian aid to Madagascar and the African Union suspended its membership.
Tens of thousands of his supporters attended the ceremony at a sports arena in the capital, Antananarivo, but it was boycotted by many diplomats.