It's been interesting being home. For the first time in five years, everyone's under the same roof: my parents, my siblings, my nephews. Usually at least one of us is missing. Not this time, it's a full house. Surprisingly, I haven't found the need to pull out my hair or drink myslef into a coma (last time I was here I overheard my mom asking my dad if he thought I had a drinking problem, "He drinks like a fish," she whispered. I didn't have the heart to tell her she was the reason, so I just kept drinking).
Last night after dinner, I was about to head out to a bar with a friend when my brother asked if he could join.
"You want to come with me to a gay bar?" I asked.
"Yeah, unless you think I might ruin your game," he smiled.
"No, by all means. This could be interesting."
My brother is a handsome guy. When he goes anywhere gay, some queen always falls in love with him. And although there's not a queer bone in his body, I think the idea of him being wanted by fickle faggots amuses him. He's an actor, they like attention I guess.
I was ready to go within two minutes, a t-shirt, jeans and sneakers. But my brother, high maintenance. He's in the bathroom fixing his hair, checking himself out in the mirror. I swear straight guys are the new gays. Not only that, he's wearing some horrid black button-down shirt with big white circles all over it.
"Are you actually going to wear that?" I tease him. "That is one ugly shirt. It's hurting my corneas."
"What's wrong with it?" He looked offended. "I bought it from this store in L.A."
He tells me how he and his friend went to Melrose. The owner of one of the stores, a queen by the name of Cosmo was shamelessly feeling him up as he was trying on the different items. The whole time saying, "Oh my God, these pants are so hot on you, they're giving me a yeast infection."
So wrong.
Then the guy brushed his hands against my brother's dick.
"Hey we're getting a little friendly here don't you think?" Says my brother.
"Dont' worry honey," Says the queen without a hint of embarrasment. "You're working up your discount."
My mother, my father, my sister all burst out laughing.
"So how much was it?" I asked jokingly.
"About 200 dollars."
"That's pretty good."
"Yeah, I guess, although my friend got a 400 dollar discount."
"Why? Is he cuter than you?"
"Nah," said my brother. "He has a ten-inch dick."
hooray for the "power" of the PINGA... i bet mr chad hunt gets all of his clothes for FREE !!
(and perhaps why I always have to pay full price...)
i am glad that you are keeping us updated while still being away on your travels :)! but please consider posting a picture of your brother (minus the 'la style' shirt...and pants?) developing another crush on someone that dosent even live in nyc...thats just like having one for someone who has a blog on-line!
"shades of gray(S)"
Posted by: clark | August 07, 2005 at 05:15 AM
OMG...That is hilarious!
Posted by: Roy | August 07, 2005 at 01:35 PM
Okay I'm all for getting a feel here and there, but jeesh. Could the sales clerk be a little bit less crazeeeee? :-)
peace
Posted by: James | August 07, 2005 at 02:50 PM
ROTFLMAO dick-count!
Posted by: demetrius | August 07, 2005 at 07:13 PM
let's just say i have been known to geta dicount or a few freebies now and then ..ever wonder why I'm always in Dolce and Gabanna.
Posted by: Chad Hunt | August 08, 2005 at 06:49 PM