The One

Somewhere on the island of Manhattan, in a dimly lit room is a man in his mid to late thirties. In his hands a copy of The Hours by Michael Cunningham. Sections of that morning’s New York Times are scattered on the floor, on the couch, in the bathroom, a trail of paper that bears witness to his day. It’s a cozy apartment, wooden floors, warm brown leather chairs, entire walls made of books, and a window, which if looked at from the street, flickers blue.

He’s been living there for years. He’s thought of moving, but he likes it where he is, it’s home.

Most of his accent is gone, dulled by a life lived in New York, like a kitchen knife after years of heavy use. But even today, hints of another place still come out as alcohol seeps in.

Handsome, quiet, he’s had a few serious relationships and at least one major heartbreak. It’s been a while since anyone’s managed to surprise him.

Sure, there are cute guys out there, baby gays with tight, fresh skin who spring a boner every time the wind blows their way, but at this stage of his life he needs more.

He’s a romantic. He’s the one who remembers birthdays and anniversaries, the one who spends hours finding the right present. He likes to see the surprised look on their face as they open it, a gift that says, “See? I’ve been listening.”

He likes to think the right guy’s out there, he’s just not sure.

Somewhere in Manhattan lives a man. He’s a bit of me, and a bit of whom I’d like to meet. An idea of a person that comes to mind whenever I get dumped, go on a bad date, or have sex of the ordinary kind. He has no clear features or name. He’s the one.

Comments

[G.]

Same thoughts here. =)

[Greg]

Midway through there I was already in love with him. He sounds like you. He sounds like me. The best of us at rest, when the water isn't churning and the silt settles.

[Roy]

Oh Ethan..if only I lived in NYC...I would totally love to meet you. You are such a dynamic guy....you really are...And that's high praise coming from someone who's never met you!

[stormcloud]

your postings make you sound like a demigod among men. you get cruised by gorgeous men, you date gorgeous men, you have sex with gorgeous men and their boyfriends. of course there's more to a person than his looks. but i get the sense you wouldn't date an average joe. so then, you're constantly surrounded by men who are everybody's 'type'. if you can't find happiness, what hope is there for the rest of us, really?

[Bobby Alexander]

somewhere else on Manhattan, there's gay man saying the same thing and they don't know it, but under their breath their wishing for a guy just like you man.

well...you and Jake Gyllenhaal. :-)

p.s. stormcloud, stop depressing us already lol

[ash]

sigh, every gay's dilemma. I agree with bobby alexander. Somewhere, not only in manhattan, someone is saying, thinking, wishing the same thing.

[LeeAndrew]

Hey great post, however as the photographer of the photograph used, it would be nice to have either listed my website. Alternatively, I have you listed on my web log
www.gcspotlightmag.com and have excahnged emails but I don't see it in you links pain either...Hummm? What can we do about this situation?

Warmest regards,
LeeAndrew

[ryan downing]

lovely post

[James]

Okay I'll add these comments so I can be the bull knocking over the china. Why do we expect to find love? Yes it would be nice if we all could find the special one, but doesn't our best art tell us the love we are looking for is at best doomed (from Romeo and Juliet to Casablanca). Don't get me wrong. I too dream of that someone, and maybe when I was younger I would have assumed we would connect. But now, I'm thinking that love is at best a pipe dream and instead of moaning for it, I better work on other things that I need to? Is this view way too cynical? Discuss as you recover from Thanksgivng! :-)

peace
james

[Dr Jim]

Reading this blog seems to give me the picture of someone who is having a bout with existential angst. The one you are searching for is the split off part of yourself that you have never integrated. You probably won't find "him" on the outside until you find him on the inside.

Yes, I'm an existentially oriented psychoanalyst. These are just my musings...and just that, since I really don't know you.

Best wishes,

Jim

[Paul]

Oh. I feel the same way and now I'm depressed. Sigh!

Paul

[Lance]

"One cannot decide that he or she wishes to be in a relationship, and then go around looking for someone to be in a relationship with. One must find a person they like enough to want to be in a relationship with that person specifically. Then and only then will the relationship work."

[MT]

How about someone who has already read (and loved) The Hours, but is now reading Memoirs of a Geisha? He has lots of books (all of which he has read. He won't have a book on his shelf that he hasn't read.), but no leather chairs. Instead he prefers a deep sofa with a small lamp over his shoulder. That way he can enjoy the changing light outside the window. He's from New York, but has lived a few places so he knows New York really is the center of the universe for a fact. He is genuine in all his loves and prefers not to have to hide them from the world. He knows the difference between naivete and innocence and refuses to let his innocence go completely. He knows he can survive, but he prefers to live. He knows love exists and knows he has been one of the fortunate few to truely experience it. He knows it's out there and something in him will never let him give up on the idea of it.

Don't worry. You're not the only romantic left in the world.

[slem]

dumbass. you are the one.

[William Scott]

Haven't visited your blog in awhile,, have missed it. I have been dealing with life alone in the south,, but I have that dream about someone like that here in Charlotte,, but with my luck they are in Manhattan and I haven't been back since Jan this year.. so maybe a visit is in order soon.. Maybe serendipity will give me a break soon,, and you too.

[John]

Gosh that was beautiful, it made me cry. That is exactly me, except for the brown leather chairs. I'm glad I'm not the only guy out there who's still waiting.

[Maxim]

First of all i would like to express my sincere gratitude to the creator.His work breathes with romanticism and sorrow. That sorrow overfills the universe, and one day it will grant you everything you wish, i know. If it is not a heartless one, it will permite you to be happy and will give a jolt in the right direction. Nothing remaines resultless for we are the top of the creation and gods envy to our experiences. it is a burdensome feeling to be alone, nobody shouldn't be wished to, no matter about your sexual orientation. And when a person finds another for to be mutually happy-it can be compared only to a supernova explosion, cause the scintilation gives a birth to a new universe, consisting of two happy ones, and nobody else. Good luck you in your quests. Wish to achieve the desired as soon as possible!

[Patrick]

Hey, i came across your blog by accident and enjoy it. With regard to "the one" i guess everyone has their own idea but for what it's worth here is mine. There isnt a "one" out there, there are lots of people that you can build a life with. Getting stuck on the whole gayville obsession of look and muscles sends you on pointless merry go round. Just decide on someone who you enjoy being with, loose the obsessive desire for beauty, and commit yourself to that person and see how it goes.Love is not something that happens to you its something you decide on and work at.....be a little more open and good luck.