On the chance that he may not turn out to be who he seems, on the chance that he’s not as good a kisser as I thought, on the chance I’ll come home tonight after a disappointing second date, I offer these pearls of Jewish wisdom to my future self:
“You’re better off without him.”
“He’s a struggling artist, isn’t it time someone took YOU out for a nice dinner?”
“A Shiksa, maybe that’s the problem.”
“Don’t worry, there’s someone out there. And he’s much, much taller.”
“He’s probably got a hairy ass.”
“Who needs a boyfriend when there’s so much going on in your life?”
“You can do so much better.”
“You should focus on your career right now, look how well you’re doing?”
“It’s because you’re looking, stop looking!”
“You’re a catch. He had the lottery ticket and decided not to cash it. Do you really want to be with such a schmuck?”
“He’s not the right guy. If he were, you’d be having a third date. And isn't better to know early?”
Brandon, tonight, 8:00 pm.
“Who needs a boyfriend when there’s so much going on in your life?”
Words to live by ...maybe. Something strangely contradictory about the kinda phrase that gets tossed around so frequently (inside your head and out).
“Don’t worry, there’s someone out there. And he’s much, much taller.”
Horrible, E! Height is a real issue here, heh.
Posted by: Andrew | December 08, 2005 at 02:47 PM
I love it when jewish wisdom comes into play! Works for me all the time!
Posted by: Roy | December 08, 2005 at 05:00 PM
i love it too!
http://greenspacesg.blogspot.com
Posted by: greenspacer | December 09, 2005 at 04:27 AM
Ethan, I love you. :-)
You rock.
Posted by: Bobby Alexander | December 09, 2005 at 07:48 AM
So I take it you have a problem with short guys with hairy asses?
Posted by: Joe.My.God. | December 09, 2005 at 12:03 PM
How about you stop sabotaging yourself and just enjoy the date?
Posted by: Rob | December 09, 2005 at 04:28 PM
Bravo for your blog very nice
We live in France and love american life
Kisses 2 boys
http://bandybirdy.skyblog.com
http://bandybirdy.free.fr
Posted by: bandybirdy | December 11, 2005 at 04:10 AM
I love it when gay men and straight women have the same train of thought! ...especially the hairy ass part...
Posted by: N | December 11, 2005 at 09:01 PM
Have faith! He could be the one... no matter what you're telling your future self :)
Paul
Posted by: Paul | December 13, 2005 at 06:51 AM
Wait how does it go? Cart/Horse/Horse/Cart/Cart/Horse -- damn!
Can I add to your list?
On the chance that the two of you can just have a good time, with no pressing expectations, maybe laugh together, maybe eat some good food, maybe kiss a little ...
On THAT chance:
Relax, have a good time. Is it so hard to take the sitck out of your ass once in a while?
(No offense. Sorry -- that may be more Catholic than Jewish, but you get the idea. If there's only tonight, better it be fun.)
Posted by: chafostheory | December 13, 2005 at 05:06 PM
At the end of the day, we are all suckers with low self esteem trying to apear strong... hope the date went well
Posted by: Cliché Guy | December 13, 2005 at 08:34 PM
So HOW WAS THE DATE???
Posted by: Buzz | December 14, 2005 at 06:23 AM
Wow, I just went through this last night when I broke up with my bf of 6 1/2 weeks...
Unfortunately, i know most of those answers (his ass was smooth), but still... I AM a catch, damn it... and so are you!
Posted by: Mr. Secret | December 14, 2005 at 08:34 PM
i was laughing at this the other time little did i know i will be im th same situation
Posted by: pette | December 18, 2005 at 08:10 PM