For every crime, a fitting punishment. When you least expect it, a karmic moment that sets you straight, reminds you of your unpaid debt to the universe, your sin.
These days, it seems karma is becoming more efficient, doesn’t take long before she smacks me upside the head, leaving me stunned.
Last night, cosmic justice, delivered Domino’s style, within 30 minutes or less.
I met Ben about a year ago, couldn’t help but notice him, a jock. Sundays spent in front of the TV watching ESPN, Football games, the whole nine yards. He’s the last of the cowboys, tall, blond, the tightest body, and one of the finest asses to walk the streets of Chelsea.
Ben’s the embodiment of my type, Unfortunately he’s everybody’s type, including his boyfriend’s, Ron.
I was disappointed for a minute, after learning he was spoken for, then we became friends. In a way, it made it easier. I was able to relax around him, be myself. No worries, no complications, no strings. Just two guys hanging out.
Nothing’s ever happened between us. We'd go out to dinner, or a movie, talk about life, always a fun time.
Then, a couple of weeks ago, at the theater, something unexpected, Ben’s leg brushing against mine. Electric. Didn’t think much of it. But as we said our goodbyes, his hug was tight, full of tension, longer than usual.
I dismissed the whole thing by the time I got home, Ben’s in a good relationship, says he’s met the man of his dreams.
Then, last night, an e-mail.
“Hey want to come over? Grab a bite to eat?”
We order food, watch TV, it’s nice, two friends hanging out. We’re talking about politics, all of a sudden, his hand on my lap. A quick touch as he highlights a point he’s trying to make, then it stays there, heavy, charged with energy. He keeps chatting, but my mind’s on his hand, and the effect it’s having on my dick.
I tell myself to walk away, nothing good can come out of this. But I can’t, Ben is so beautiful it hurts.
A touch turns to cuddle, his hands finding their way to my stomach, my calves, my butt. It’s a pleasure so intense, my whole body, one big quiver.
He opens my fly, grabs my dick. Gasp. There’s no turning back now.
I can feel his hard cock through his jeans, pull it out, glistening, majestic. It’s big, even for a six-foot-two man. I want to put it in my mouth but the only way I’ll be able to look myself in the mirror tomorrow is if I keep this NC-17, no kissing, no sucking, just a lot of bump and grind.
His cock is inches away from my mouth, pulsating to the rhythm of his breath. Mesmerizing in its beauty, it’s girth. We’re two friends who’ve gone too far, jacking off, bodies tensed up tight.
We finally shoot, explode every which way. As if on cue, guilt, cascading, overpowering. I feel terrible. Just committed the ultimate sin, I’ve helped someone cheat.
I leave his house telling myself, “he’s the one with the boyfriend, his responsibility,” but I know better. I’ve been on the other side of this messy triangle. I’ve come to learn that when you have sex with an unavailable man, you become part of the cycle, whether you like it or not.
I walk home, feeling like shit. As I reach my block, a boy sitting on a stoop. Handsome, dark, diamond earings, baggy clothes.
He gives me a nod. He’s cute, looks like he just stepped off the 6-Train straight from the Bronx. But with the night I’ve just had, I’m done.
I reach my building. As I search for my keys, Bronx boy is standing in front of me.
“Hey man, you’re hot.”
“Thanks, you too.”
“What are you up to?”
“I’m tired, going to bed.”
“Want some company?”
“No thanks, really, I’m crashing.”
“Come on, just a blowjob, I’m really horny.”
He grabs his dick through his jeans, he means business.
“No thanks. Maybe some other time, besides, I have a roommate.”
“How about just a quick thing in the hallway then?”
I look at the corridor. I’m going to hell anyway, might as well take the scenic road.
We head to the basement, he pulls my pants down, starts sucking my dick. I look down, my mind’s foggy, I’ve had too much to drink. He’s sucking so hard, he’s about to turn me inside out like a glove.
His own dick’s out, he’s tugging on it, fast, furiously. Then he lets out a moan, tiny little drops on the floor, the steps, the wall. I pull up my pants, just want to go to bed, amazed at my own stupidity. What am I doing? This has got to be a new low even for me.
I stumble up the stairs to my room and fall asleep with my clothes on. The next morning, hop into the shower, and wash it all off, the sin, the guilt, the ickiness. I catch a glimpse of my face in the mirror and wonder whether it’s time to call my therapist.
Then, as I get dressed, I notice my wallet’s missing. I don’t have to look, I know. The kid from the Bronx, son of a bitch. Hit and cum.
Credit cards, driver’s license, gym membership, cash, all gone. I get angry, furious, then a loud laugh comes bellowing out. The laugh of a defeated man whose just realized he’s been hit by karma. Smacked upside the head with a toothy blowjob.
I've come across your site, recommended by many others...I see why...and karma is a bitch
Posted by: wigetz | January 15, 2006 at 04:24 PM
I've been in your position before, the one where I've been an accomplice to cheating. I know the whole guilt thing too. It's a bitch. I probably would have laughed if that had happened to me. You must admit, some random guy offering to give you a sexual favour is quite odd.
Posted by: Michael | January 15, 2006 at 06:49 PM
Hey dude, I think your blog is really really cool and I wish I were a gay. I mean your lifestyle is so awesome especially the shag wif that hot guy. Woww...
Posted by: Chiselle | January 16, 2006 at 06:03 AM
Are you obscenely good looking or is this just what your city is like?
Gracious. I need a ticketing office.
Posted by: murraynz | January 16, 2006 at 09:00 AM
Your wallet's in the mail. Sorry 'bout that - it was too easy.
Posted by: Toby | January 16, 2006 at 11:21 AM
I love your writing. It brings me back to my life in West Hollywood quite a while ago...the '70's. Pre-Aids, when we were so free to do stuff like that without any thought of consequences. When I used to drive around at two in the morning in my shiny little Fiat X1-9, jacked on speed, pull over to the curb and yell at any hot guy still walking Santa Monica Boulevard at that hour, to "get in the fuckin' car, man" and drive up in the hills and have sex in those tight little seats or go back to my place on Hollywood Boulevard and get even higher and get fucked through the wall and scream with the ecstasy of anonymous sex with hot strangers and big cocks. Now I live in Tucson, where I don't know a freakin' soul, and enjoy the company of my psycho little dog and watch the blazing sunsets every night, still smoking bowls of fragrant marijuana and throwing back shots of Ketel One, and think about those things that won't ever happen again.
Posted by: Jimmy T | January 16, 2006 at 12:32 PM
Bless you, my son, and sin some more!
And be sure to tell us about it...
Practice makes perfect?
Posted by: HisHolynessDPope | January 16, 2006 at 04:39 PM
poor ethan...the good news is, for those of us who believe in karma tend to follow a little guideline that claims:
"for every bad deed or lie that we tell, it will take ten good deeds to payback the karma that you have invited in..."
well, enjoying sex and fulfilling your desires is something that can be a rule of "yama" (personal code) that is constantly broken in a "gay-man-living-in-nyc's" life, but being "aware" of your behavior and actions (and sharing it with the rest of us "holier" ones) will most likely earn you back a lot of good merit my friend!!
*ohm shanti*
ps - extra points for shagging an "ex-of-your-ex-roommate" is in the rule books too ^_^
Posted by: clark | January 17, 2006 at 08:05 AM
better hope he didnt pass his warts or herpes to your junk.
Posted by: ryan | January 17, 2006 at 07:22 PM
NO! -- that did NOT happen to you! that sucks!!! now I'm sweating, waiting to see what kind of cosmic payback, karma has in store for me. Yikes!
Posted by: Kim | January 17, 2006 at 08:29 PM
Wait, but you and the unavailable guy only jerked off in front of eachother? or did i read that wrong?
Posted by: Bobby Alexander | January 17, 2006 at 10:04 PM
Wow, hey I love your blog, great stuff, very entertaining.
Thanks! Josh
www.sexandtheseafront.blogspot.com
Posted by: Joshua J | January 18, 2006 at 08:50 AM
Sadness for karma, and sadness for toothy blow jobs...
Posted by: Man Meat Master | January 18, 2006 at 10:07 PM
Oh damn...that is all I can say!
Posted by: Roy | January 23, 2006 at 04:12 PM
Karma's a bitch, hitting you with more sex for having sex...
Posted by: Nick | January 29, 2006 at 07:49 AM
you're blog is pretty cool. you share probbably a little bit more than i would dare to since the gay community here is small. which, i too, have been on both sides of cheating, and it gave me nothing but mud on my name. i felt pretty bad for you when i read this because i kinda think you're a little like me, looking for a connection, but no matter what, you get pulled into other things. sometimes it really makes me sad to be a gay man. bad, right?
Posted by: phoenix | April 18, 2006 at 06:49 PM