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January 31, 2007



It's official now. I love your mom.


Once again, awesome and so true. In those short four minutes you made me cry...and laugh :) Thanks! Can't wait for more to come.


Shit! I think I peaked.


The Germans have a word for this.


This could be a conversation that takes place between many a gay man and his mother. They love to remind you that they are still beautiful because you, their child, are still beautiful, and the rest of the world is getting older.

ethan gray

Ugly language. But yes. Good word. Schadenfreude.


Are you going to publish these entries in a book, man? They're friggin gorgeous, and a blog/book tour would be a great write-off on your taxes :-)

eric m.

great to see you back, tiger. (not that I think you ever really went that far away...) yrs from L.A., E


Another formulaic full-circle post from Shallow Shades... sigh.

John J Smathers

Why are they all 'boys' or 'kids'that are the characters center-stage in your life?
Why do they all, no matter who else they're with nor what else they might be doing - they're all willing to drop other people and/or other activities in order to be with you? What's most mystifying is, despite everyone behaving with you, as you suggest, you're still quite alone, as far as I can tell, and leading quite an alone lifestyle.
I'm likely way off base, however, I picture you as a person diammetrically opposite to the character you seem determined to convince the reader you are. I feel you to be frequently confronting abject despair and desperation when I read your pieces. It's almost as if you've written a huge compendium of stories based mostly on wishful thinking. Unlike your admirers, that seemed glued to your every word and story-telling style, I must admit that I feel sorry for you sitting wherever it is you sit at home, alone, essentially unpublished, and not all that soulfully and physically attractive individual you attempt to convey. One - just one - of these 'poor boys or kids' would never, ever let you go so quickly out of their life if you were really worth fighting for as you tend to want us to believe you are..


mark and john: why keep reading if you no longer find it worthwhile to do so?

the author of this post had generously decided to share his story with others, the least you can do is to honour that.

your issue is not really about what he has written nor who he might be (which unless you know him personally, is all conjecture based on flimsy evidence), but with the fact that you no longer feel sustained by his writings. and it isn't his fault nor yours. sometimes, it just doesn't work.

so, lay off. just because you can't get from him what you want is no reason to be a critical bitch.


when you look at a guy and think that he is ugly and not worth your time of day , but then is so smart and knows how to compensate for what his genes did not give him, he becomes a much better person down the road of life because he has more than his looks to bank on
(thats me)
and as we know: most guys that look amazing all their lives might go far with their looks for some time, but have less thrive to become more than objects of desire, and in the end are just sad with a less than inspiring life to others that once were worshipers
(think jean-claude van damme)

then there are the very few that actually grow up with both the looks and education,travel the world, speak more than one language fluently,talented, and able to write stories that make others think, hate, and some love him
that sure isnt me
but i think that you are
and ive met you many times in NYC and would expect you to become someone to admire and remember for a very long time


love the end where your mum say "he is bald "


Even though I graduated from high school only three years ago, I miss most of my old friends. You get really attached to them, because it's with them that you experience all the the good, the bad and the ugly things of growing up...but I guess that's the way things work in life. It's sad, but many times your road will take a different path from the people you love, and there isn't too much you can do about it, but moving on.


Awww... but Beau still sounds like quite a guy after all :)


Simple truths told beautifully Ethan. Universal...even to this day, people I meet through work or apt living...friends of convenience perhaps...only distance and time will tell if there is more. But, I, like you, sometimes dreaming that time stands still. Thank you for your words, as always.


I look forward to your posts, Ethan. I know there are people who criticize what you write and/or how you write it, but I don't care about any of that. I really, really dig reading what you have to say. I'm intrigued by your stories.


I love the way you write, its easy on the eyes, and laconic in a good way. I had Beau in high school. But I was basically in love with him. Everything about high school, though only months ago, seems faded and far away. Except James, he's so vivid to me.

Keep writing, and more frequently, I miss the posts.


You write the most amazing stories! So captivating! I was totally engrossed in that story. It's kinda funny how life works itself out after the long run...things change, situations change, people change despite the memories we hold static in my our imagination. We hope and pray that things don't change but they do. But sometimes it proves to ourselves we are stronger than we are compelled to think and definitely makes us better in the end. It's that first step and first tear that make things harder than they need to be...



good one ethan. now when are we meeting?


I echo with the voices above - I admire & love the way you write and look forward daily to any updates.

Laughing as I read this I can’t help but wonder what happened to the Peakers that graced my life.

Your writing's a gift and I am glad that you share it with us even though it may not be as often as you used to before they are all intriguing and intelligent nonetheless

Happy early Valentines


You just made me think of Brian in high school and Andy in college. Wow...long time ago but I know the feeling.

Glad to see you're back.


this was wonderful. brought me back. Thank you.


Hi, this is the first time I'm visiting your wonderful blog. I'm writing from Mexico City. I'm gay and I felt completely identified with your last post. I guess, that is how life sometimes is; people change but the feelings never.
See you.


thanks for the up dates and the really GREAT blog your the best.



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